Wednesday, November 22, 2006

On not Biting

Happy Thanksgiving!

I used to love Thanksgivings when I was a kid. Now, I tend to stress over things, worry them to death, and I really shouldn't.

My Mom's visiting; she got in last night. She decided to try my bike trainer (it holds the rear wheel in place against a rolling bar whose pressure and resistance you can change so you can sort of ride your bike inside) and declared that my bike seat (strategically designed!) was uncomfortable. I said to make sure she's sitting back on the pads on her bones, and she responded that I probably just have a lot more padding back there. Um, thanks. I bit my tongue.

I can't change things, but I can change me. And that's the goal for this weekend: not to bite at the bait. To just let things roll off.

So far, I'm not having great success.

It's so easy to fall into old patterns, even though I hate them.

When I was a kid, adults seemed to have such control, to be adults. I feel like I've never gotten there on some level.


  1. Ah, mothers. Hang in there, B. I'm sure that the first thing my mom will say to me when she arrives tonight is that I have a "zit-face" because I've got one miniscule tiny little non-blemish on my chin. Mom's are just like that.

  2. But now you see that adults DON'T have such control becuase they make snide little comments like that! They just diguise them as general conversation so children don't pick up on the barbs.

    I hope you have a great Thanksgiving, Bardiac! Hang in there...

  3. "The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and sulry. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own . . . possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. . . . To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions." Marcus Aurelius.

  4. I feel sort of bad here. If my Mom had/has a blog, I'm sure her perspective would be totally different. It's not like I'm perfection and she's the opposite.

  5. Anonymous11:13 AM

    We all tend to fall back into the relationships we had when we were younger when we're with parents and family, especially around the holidays -- likely the biggest part of why this time of year is so stressful! Mom is probably more than a bit overwhelmed at the successful woman her little girl has morphed into, and comments about your butt help put her back into the driver's seat in your relationship. Just take a deep breath, smile (through gritted teeth as needed) and remind Mom how much you love her. And have a great Thanksgiving!

    (As most of my relatives begin to descend on my house tomorrow, I'll be hiding in the kitchen, "basting the turkey again", trying not to do shots as I listen to one of my sisters complain about some never forgotten slight from 18+ years ago....)

  6. While it's really nice of you to want to be fair to your mother's perspective, Bardiac, that comment was unkind--I'm sure she probably thought it was a joke, but there are jokes and there are jokes, and family often use "humor that hurts." It's a pattern of control that many people aren't even conscious of using, but it's still hurtful.