Monday, September 10, 2007

Gorboduc, the MMORPG Version

Or, Am I Procrastinating, or Does This Count as Class Prep?
STC #18684 (15th ed)

Gorboduc, Guild Leader of Britain
Videna, his wife
Ferrex, his elder son
Porrex, his younger son

Eubulus, a good counselor to Gorboduc (Guild Officer)
Arostus, a not so good counselor to Gorboduc (Guild Officer)
Philander, another counselor to Gorboduc (Guild Officer)

Dordan, Ferrex's pal

Tyndar, Porrex's pal

Nuntius, a messenger

Marcella, a companion to Videna

Fergus, Duke of Albany, Guild leader of the Scots

Act 1: Dumb show. Warrior guy comes out with a bundle of sticks. Pretends to try to break them as a bundle, and shockingly, can't. Takes the bundle apart and breaks the sticks one by one over his helm.

Act 1, scene 1: Enter Videna and Ferrex

Videna: You are my favoritest son ever! I changed the DKP to make sure you get all the loot at the next raid!
Ferrex: Mommy, I love you!
[Ghost of Freud to Come: hmmmm, that gives me an idea.]

Act 1, scene 2: Enter Gorboduc and his counselors, Eubulus, Arostus, and Philander

Gorboduc: I'm tired of being guild leader. I'm gonna divide the guild bank and everything else between Ferrex and Porrux, and retire to the guildhall!
Arostus: Good idea, boss! You rock!
Eubulus: WTF, bad idea! Tell them you'll split until after you sell your account!Philander: WTF, you f***w**, don't split the guild!

Act 2: Dumber Show: An old dude offers the King a glass of wine. King declines. A brave and lusty young gentleman offers the King a golden goblet [Ghost of Zeus past: hmmm, that gives me an idea!] filled with poison [Ghost of Zeus past: maybe not such a good idea.] King drinks and falls over dead.

Act 2, scene 1: Enter Ferrex and Dordan (his pal)

Ferrex: WTF, Dadzors cut my DKP in half and gave half to Porr3x-sux!
Dordan: Your mom still loves you! She's bringing pizza! But Porrex is gonna KS you and take your lootz! You should KS him, first! We'll get some guildies to help!

Act 2, scene 2: Enter Porrex, Tyndar (his pal), and Philander

Porrex: Dad loves me best, but why did he let Ferret-face keep any DKP?
Tyndar: Watch out! Ferrex is gonna try to PK you! He's got a group! And your mom's a biatch! She hates you!
Philander: WTF, Ferrex isn't going to PK you! He's grinding levels. Ask in guild.

Act 3: Dumbest show so far: Porrex kills Ferrex, no surprise there, right?

Act 3, scene 1: Enter Gorboduc, Eubulus, and Arostos

Gorboduc: Where's Philander?
Arostos: He's afk again!
Eubulus: Hey, I just got an IM from Dordan! He says "F iz gon try to PK P! Tell Gorb!"
Arostos: Oh, nozors! Make them join a chat channel together!"
Enter Philander
Philander: Sorry, my mom made me take out the garbage. :( Porrux thinks Ferrex is going to PK him, so he's going to gank Ferrex first.
Gorboduc: Oh, S***! F******s! No dueling before a raid!!
Enter Nuntius
Nuntius: WTF! Porrex trained Ferrex! And now he's corpse camping him!
[Ferrex tells guild: Rez plz! I'm gonna petition Porrex!]

Act 4: Another really dumb show: Furies, music, bad stuffs! Videna PKs Porrex. [Ghost of Titus future: hmmm, pastries anyone?]

Act 4, scene 1: Enter Videna

[Videna tells guild: Fer' needs a stick, plz! He's in Burned Woods.]
Videna: WTF, I popped out Porrex and he killed my favorite kid! I bet the hospital changed him out and gave me some criminal nursed by a tiger!

Act 4, scene 2: Enter Gorboduc and Arostus

Gorboduc: This sux. There's no cleric on to rez Fer'!
Enter Porrex and Eubulus
Eubulus: I found Porrex.
Gorboduc: WTF, you ganked your brother! I'd deguild you if you weren't my son!
Porrex: But Ferrex tried to PK me!
Gorboduc: Go to your room! No computer privileges for a week!
Exit Porrex
Eubulus: This sux. My mom says I have to eat dinner now. :(
[Eubulus tells guild: AFK sec.]
Enter Marcella
Marcella: w00t! Porrex down, Videna loot!
Gorboduc: WTF??!!?!?
[Porrex tells guild: Biatch! Rez plz!]

Act 5: The dumbest dumb show of all: AE fest and guild war!

Act 5, scene 1: Enter Eubulus, Fergus, and some spear carriers
Eubulus: The guild is at war! Oh nozors! Everyone wants revenge!
Exeunt all but Fergus
[Fergus tells guild: LFG for guildwar with Britain! Double DKP for raid!]

Act 5, scene 2: Enter Eubulus
Eubulus: WTF, no one will group with me!
[Eubulus tells guild: LFG, need cleric and crowd control, plz!]
Enter Arostus and spear carriers
Arostus: Gorboduc and Videna got ganked by the newbies! We need a healer; can you play your cleric, Eubulus?
Eubulus: WTF, no! I'm a tank!
[[Gorbuduc tells guild: rez plz.]
[Videna tells guild: click me, plz. I need to loot and scoot!]

Enter Nuntius
Nuntius: Hey, the Scots are attacking! Oh, nozors! Fergus is AEing!
[[Eubulus tells guild: rez plz.]
[Arostus tells guild: rez plz.]
[Philander tells guild: WTF! I was afk in the PoK and now I'm dead? Rez plz!]

[Fergus tells guild: We win! Lootz for all! Tells for [Sword of Porrex].]


  1. LOL Thanks for the laugh with my coffee.

  2. Heh, brilliant :) I especially like "dumbest show so far" and the ghost of Zeus.

  3. Wow, I'll never need to read Gorboduc itself again!

  4. Anonymous9:35 PM

    This is absolutely brilliant! And I say this as a lvl 50 Holy Pally who has read Gorboduc twice...

  5. I always knew there was a reason that Gorboduc was one of my favorites!

  6. Anonymous3:34 PM

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