Friday, June 15, 2007

No Witty Title

So I went to get my eyes checked today. I had eye surgery about ten years ago now, so of course I told the medical assistant/nurse (she didn't say, but did at least tell me her name) and she (I assume) put it on the form. Then she did all the tests. It's not her fault, but seriously, I want to know if I failed or whatever because I'm test obsessive and all.

My eyes get all dilated, my contacts are out (not in that order), and Dr. Eye Guy comes in. That's a little weird, since having no contacts in and not being able to focus, I can't actually see him much. But we proceed. He's looking at my eyes and making notes and stuff.

He's looking in my eye, the cyborg eye, with the magnifier things, and all of a sudden he sort of gasps. And I sort of gasp and hold my breath, thinking OH, BLEEP, something bad has happened to my eye again! PANIC! Heart thumping. Mouth dry.

He keeps looking, and I'm feeling my fingernails dig into my hands, and he's having me do the look right, look left, look up, etc thing a couple more times. And finally he says, oh, you have a [name of type of implant thing].

Um, yes, I say (hard with a totally dry mouth), I told [name of assistant] and it's on the chart. (Seriously, did he think this was news to me? I was there when they put it in.)

So the scary gasp and all was when he saw the implant thing and thought something was really wrong until he realized it was an implant.

It's ON THE CHART! If he just glanced over it before starting, he'd see it's ON THE CHART, and I wouldn't have to be sitting there wondering if I'm going to go blind in that eye this time.

(Why do they make me do the bleeping charts if they don't look anyways? Should I just blurt that out right off? I mean, he asks what concerns me, but my cyborg eye doesn't really concern me; it's just there. Should I just jump in and say, by the way, I'm a cyborg so check out the implant, and assume that's not just repeating what he already knows?)

So, anyways, my eyes are as good as they're going to be (my implant rocks! I'm so happy not to be blind in one eye! Thank you to the Eye folks and all who did that!). YAY! (And also the no glaucoma or pressure problems, no problems with the contacts, or anything else.) And I'm breathing normally again and all (it was a mercifully short panic time). The dilation stuff is wearing off, so I can focus to read the computer screen.

I'm going out for a short ride! (I spent part of the morning learning how to adjust my cleats and stuffs!)


  1. Very funny post. I love the expression, "I'm a cyborg." :o)

    You see, I also have an implant. I refer to it as my bionic eye.

    With your permission, I'd like to steal the "cyborg" bit. It's funnier.

  2. Funny, that. I have a friend who had several operations in relation to overcoming a very serious illness, which, of course is stated on her chart. She went in to see the campus med the other day and the dr saw the scar on her chest and said "Oh you have a scar on your chest" and she responded with "Yes, I had an operation in relation to illness x". The dr almost fell off her rolly stool. My friend wryly noted that "All of that scintilating information is in my chart". The dr proceeded to read it with gasps of amazement and excitement -- like she was reading some kind of lurid penny dreadful novel. My friend just rolled her eyes.

    Next time, you should use the "cyborg" bit sooner. V. funny :o).

    How are the clipless pedals? New Bike?

    Heading out on a 3 wk. research trip tomorrow, so I'm not sure how much biking, if any, I'll be able to get in. I haven't sat down and explained to Bluebell that I'm leaving for three weeks, but will be back. I know she's not going to take it well :oP

  3. Dean, Thanks :) I stole the idea from Donna Haraway's "Cyborg Manifest." You might want to read it for some good thinking about cyborg stuffs.

    Amanda, New Bike is getting more comfy! 30 miles today, and not sore wrists! Have a great trip!