Friday, February 04, 2022

Wandering in the Wasteland

Things continue on.  My Mom's really not improving, and my expectations are that she won't.  

My brother is amazing, and continues to be.  My aunts (both retired) who live near her are great.  They've been wonderful all along, but they also make me a bit frustrated at times.

One of them talked to her on the phone, texted our group, and then asked in the group text if I hadn't called that day.  I'd just gotten home from work, sat down for a bit, talked to my brother on the phone (about my Mom)... and the text.  Nope, I hadn't called.  I was at work mostly, and then barely got home from a tiring day.

So I called.  My Mom's sort of closed off sometimes.  She sounded reasonably alert, and said she was happy to hear from me, and when was I coming (I'm not any time soon because flying half way across the country to expose myself (and her, and others in her care center) to covid so that I can visit for a couple hours before flying back to be at work just isn't really workable).  And then she asked about my brother, and would I have him call her.  She wanted  me to do that then, so I said okay, said goodbye, and texted the group about the call.  (From his text a bit later, he called and had a nice chat.)


We're at the end of our first week of classes.  So far, so good.  My intro to lit class students are so far pretty engaged and interested.  I'm enjoying our discussions.  I hope they are, too.


Covid continues to suck.  We all put a ton of energy into trying to work around problems and through problems and so on.


  1. Wasteland is right! I have those phone calls with my dad--frustrating because he can't always hear me, can't remember words, and then can't remember that I've called and so complains to other family members. It's hard! But we're not in this wasteland alone. We're all rooting for you.

  2. My father keeps asking when I'm going to come visit, too. Impossible, at least so long as Covid is surging here. My kid's boyfriend went home for Christmas, and contracted Covid, either on the plane or with his family. Everyone came out of it okay, but then they're both in their early 20s and very fit.

  3. It's been a couple of years since my dad was willing to use his phone. Sometimes when one of my brothers visits, they'll call me and he'll talk via their phone---not sure why that works for him. You have a lot of company in this situation, if that helps any. As Bev says, we're thinking of you and wishing you and your mom well.

  4. Anonymous10:17 AM

    I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through.

    Speaking as a random internet person... if it looks like your mom needs to be physically closer to your or your brother, it might be worth looking into safe medical transport for her. It's extremely expensive, but there are a lot of times when I wish we'd bitten the bullet and just done it with my mom. I think she would've been unhappier initially, but happier longer-term. And it would have made each crisis easier if I or any one of my siblings could've just driven 20 minutes to get to her.

    1. That's a good idea, Anonymous, thank you. Almost 20 years ago, though, my Mom bought something called "Life Care" with a company, the idea being that my Mom (and others) paid a chunk of money up front, and then rent each month. The person then lives in (according to their capabilities), an independent apartment, assisted living, full on nursing home care, or memory care, and so forth.

      It's been a good thing in many ways; my brother and I didn't have to go through the painful search for a nursing facility, for example. (We had to wait for a bed in a nursing facility, and one happened to open up in the company's facility, but if it hadn't, they'd have been responsible to pay for a facility of equal quality.)
      If you've looked for nursing facilities, you know the quality varies greatly. This company's facility is pretty darned good, though not, alas, perfect in every way. The patients are well cared for, and there's no bad smells or other easy to spot problems. I spent a couple of solid days there, and my brother has spent more.
      Further, if covid ever eases, then people she know in the independent living area can come visit her, as she visited others who moved to assisted living or nursing care before.
      Anyway, this company has a number of facilities, but none are near my brother or I.