Monday, March 22, 2010

Insta-Anxiety

I've been putting off getting my eyes checked. I was supposed to get them checked in January, but I've been putting it off.

It's inconvenient. You lose the rest of the day, pretty much, if you're in my line of work and need to be able to read to get work done. Once my eyes are dilated, I pretty much can't read for a long time. Nor can I go out in the sun.

The eye doctor I went to (that's actually on my insurance) is okay, but not totally comfortable for me. The first time I went, he gasped when he looked in my eye and saw the silicone "rubber" band thingy, even though he had been looking at the chart questionaire where I'd filled in about it. The gasp scared the beejeezus out of me, and I'm tense about my eyes anyway. Why do I have to fill out the damned chart if he's not going to bother actually looking at it? On the other hand, it's not that big a deal, and I'd feel awkward firing him. Did I mention I'm a coward?

Anyway, the other day one of my eyes sort of hurt, a dull hurt, which lasted a blink of an eye, literally, and wasn't that bad. But still, it's weird. And I'm not used to it, so it's very noticable.

So I called to make an appointment today. And instantly I felt sick, like sick like I wanted to vomit out my window sick. Ugh. It's purely anxiety.

I never used to be anxious about eye stuff, but then I had a detached retina, and now I'm anxious about eye stuff.

Then I looked up, and I think my eye thing is dryness, and the first cause listed is menopause. Well, yay, because really, about time if it is. But also, yet another way being a female human sucks. You get discriminated against, paid less, cramps, blah blah, and by the way, dry eyes!

I really, really do not want to hear that I can't wear contacts. I love my contacts. I'd love even more to be able to see without them, but I love having peripheral vision!

Even more, I do not want to hear that I need eye surgery (which I really don't think is even a possibility, but just saying). Or that I'm going to go blind soon. (That was my nightmare last night.)

The mid-life thing: you realize that life is already going downhill, and that it's only going to get worse. At what point does it become just not worth it?

I'm going to try to get really well hydrated (bourbon should work, right?) and put my eyejuice in my eye more, and see if that helps.

6 comments:

  1. Oh, Bard: when's the appt? I'm thinking you should stick to the bourbon and skip the eyejuice for now??

    But what do I know with my own aging eyes, my own appt. with the eye doc this Friday to, I've no doubt, discover that I need stronger glasses, reading glasses AND contacts, a sort of triple play, just to keep seeing somewhat close to 20/20.

    My word verification is "lictracy"---sort of what happens to "literacy" when ones eyes aren't working so good (you'll laugh after the eye doc tells you it's nothing serious;-)

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  2. Bardiac, my profoundest sympathies about the eye angst and the incipient menopause. The eye doctor is one of the few medical specialties that don't have me in paroxysms of anxiety, maybe because you get to keep your clothes on, but I've got a plain ol' physical coming up and that's good for weeks of anticipatory stomach aches.

    I spent a good part of last year thinking I was dying of one thing or another, but perimenopause pretty much accounts for everything, except blood pressure so high it scared the nurse. At my physical last year, the doctor said, "You've used up your free 40 years." Uh, thanks?

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  3. I detest medical appts of all kinds, so I am feeling very sympathetic to your anxiety! And wondering, actually, if the anxiety is partly about the doc you saw (is it a sign that you should consider switching docs, if it's possible? or a sign of generalized anxiety that would be there regardless? just wondering).

    One thing I can say about menopausal symptoms--in my experience anyway, they tend to come and go. Hopefully the dry eye thing will go quickly.

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  4. My eye dr told me that your eyes actually blink less often when you are staring at a computer screen than a tv (or definitely a book) so be aware of that when using the monitor --- take lots of breaks and use eyedrops.

    See, it could be as simple as that! No need to be anxious.

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  5. Ooh, I hate eye exams too, even though I like my eye guy. I hadn't heard about the link between dry eyes and menopause, so thanks for that. I developed a cluster of eye problems toward the end of chemotherapy, including dry eyes, numbness around the eyes, and a big obnoxious floating L-shaped flaming image that interfered with my vision. The treatment was a drug called neurontin, which is frequently prescribed for side effects of menopause, including hot flashes. It works for the eye stuff, but if you read the potential side effects of neurontin, they're almost as scary as the symptoms it's treating!

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  6. (((((((Bardiac)))))))

    It must be scary! But if there's something wrong, better that you know now, right? (I say this after having spent the past six days taking care of hubby who had to have a gas bubble inserted into his eye to press the fluid behind his retina out...and then he had to sit still for six days. And this was the same eye where they reattached the retina. I'm definitely all atwitter re: eye stuff.)

    Hoping very hard that your eye is completely fine and that a cheap bottle of eyedrops will solve everything.

    You've already been through so much with the retinal detachment. It just doesn't seem fair that you have to go through anything else!!!!!!!!!!!

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