When I was a kid, I really did think adults had it good. They understood things, got along well with family, and so forth. That may be true for other adults, but dang, I missed the boat.
Somehow, by this point, I should be able to get along with my Mom. I should just let things flow, not get irritated, not get impatient. But I just am not there.
I feel disloyal complaining.
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I'm still reading Kyoko Mori's Polite Lies. I was talking to one of my friends about it, a friend who's read several of her works, and my friend said she gets the feeling the Mori writes about the same thing over and over. Once my friend said that, I started to get that feeling as I worked through the book. It's still a good book, but there's a sense that she's working through different aspects of the same issue using the same lens of her mother's suicide. In some ways, it's very informative because I get a sense of how she sees her bicultural life over time.
I was reading the chapter on lying last night, about how often we lie, many times a day, perhaps. Most of the lies are social lubricant sorts of lies, the sorts of things we say just to say what's socially expected or what's not going to needlessly hurt someone's feelings.
I was about to say that I'm not really good at the social lubricant lie; it's not that I try to be rude, but that I tend to keep my mouth shut at times. But as I was about to say that, I thought about how often people say things about themselves that are the opposite of other peoples' perceptions. For example, I've noticed that when someone says "I'm easy to please," they rarely are. And when someone says "I'm not critical," and then goes off on how I screw everything up, I don't buy their self assessment. So maybe I'm so expert at the social lubricant lie that I don't even realize how often I'm doing it?
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I've had a stuffy nose since late November, and I'm getting tired of it. I'm pretty sure it's not so much infection as irritation, since I haven't had a fever, sore throat, chest cough, or anything actually worth complaining about. I mean, seriously, I'm whining about a stuffy nose. Could I be more of a whuss? I'm going to pretend that I actually am only worried about flying with stuffy sinuses, but really, I'm just tired of having a stuffy nose.
I checked WebMD and it said helpful things about not getting exposed to really cold air, or big changes in temperature, and avoiding dry air. Yeah, no problem. It also says to try a saline nasal wash, so I've done that. It's disgusting to have the saline go through my nose into my mouth.
I hate being such a bleeping whuss! I hate the dryness of the air, and how icky it makes everything (static, dry skin, you name it!).
The best things you can do to make the house more tolerable are to 1) not use the bathroom fan when you take a shower, and/or 2) take a bath and leave the water in the tub when you are done... don't drain it until the water is stone cold. We used to do this all the time and never had lack of humidity issues in the house...
ReplyDeleteWhat about a humidifier while you're sleeping, too? That's probably the longest you spend in any one room.
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you on feeling like you should have the maternal relationship worked out by now. Maybe you'll get to the place you want to be--I've made a little progress with small steps in letting go (with some major backsliding lately). It's not disloyal to complain, though--you're just naming something about the situation.
Oh mothers, it is hard to live without them, and it is hard to live with them. It is not disloyal to complain. You acknowledge and express your feelings. In the long run this will help to let things flow.
ReplyDeleteWill have to get the book, you made me curious.
As for your sinuses, I am not sure if you have a neti pot or are familiar with it? If you use a neti pot, the saline solution is not going into your mouth, but into one nostril and out the other. You actually could use any clean container with a very small spout. Health food stores usually sell them. I finally bought one last year after having used my neighbor's for a while, it helps indeed and is the least invasive. I found even a YouTube video on how to use the neti pot, rather amusing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8sDIbRAXlg) Anyway, I cross my fingers that your sinuses get better and everything flows ;)
Isn't it funny how one comment can wreck something for you? Once, I heard someone say or write about Tom Hanks in Forest Gump that he was "acting up a storm," and since then, I have never been able to watch Tom Hanks act in anything.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the bathtub tip! It's always too dry here.
My stepdaughter is taking an acupuncture class at her local medical school and she learned a treatment for the sinuses that she said was very effective...try an acupuncturist? fwiw.
ReplyDeleteYour stuffy nose may be allergies; as you're cooped up more indoors, a mild dust allergy can become pretty bothersome. Think about all of the cleaning and sorting you've been doing lately -- think you might have stirred up any dust? Additionally, this is a big time for other "indoor" allergies like molds. Try an antihistamine. You might be surprised at how much better you feel (get one of the "non-drowsy" OTC ones.)
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Thanks, you guys :) You're the BEST!
ReplyDeletePhilosophy Factory, That's an interesting idea. Balancing potential mold and dryness issues! Eep!
Susan, A humidifier's a good idea. Thanks. And I actually have done better on the parental relationships; but it sometimes feels like we're both really unaware of each other.
Sky, I've heard of Neti pots. How do they keep the salt water from coming out your mouth? I'm actually surprisingly good at breathing in the salt water. And it hurts a LOT less than chlorine water from when I was a kid!
MSILF, I actually like Tom Hanks, though I'm disconcerted that he has my cousin's face. Different hair, though.
Theodora, I'm afraid I'm a closed-minded science-worshipping type. I don't have to understand the science behind what I'm doing, but I have to think there's science behind it. Though I've been told that aspirin's a bit of a mystery as far as how it works. But still, I can't get behind flowing and qi and stuff.
Artemis, Good idea, thanks. I've been taking daquil or nyquil when it's really bad, but switched to tylenol sinus (is that an anti-histamine, or does it work in another way? it's without the anti-cough stuff, since I haven't been coughing). I tend to be totally not-allergic though, but I guess that could change? (Seriously, I'm the idiot who wanders through poison oak/ivy and never gets it, freaking everyone else out in the process.) I'm just a whuss. Maybe I should go grab some actifed or?
I'm doing much better today, thanks to all of you :)