Monday, October 29, 2018

Week 23/66: Stress and Despair

I tried to post on the Top Left Quadrant site, but seem to be unable.  Or something.  But I was able to post with a different browser.

I'm stressing a lot about election stuff and social violence.  I've spent some time canvassing with union folks, so I'm trying to contribute.  But I'm so worried that we'll lose and it will be even worse, and I'll feel even worse because I put energy in.  I saw this article, "'They are so sick of losing': hopes of Wisconsin left tempered by past" today in The Guardian and it speaks to my stress so clearly.

What's new?  (This is mostly what I wrote at the TLQ site.)
1.  I dropped out of the orchestra.  I was stressing a lot because I felt so inadequate about my playing ability.  But I talked to the leader and hope to rejoin next fall.  I've been playing about two and a half years (with about six months lapse when I was away), so another year should see significant improvement if I keep practicing.  I have been progressing in lessons.

2.  I dropped the revisions and just started a new paper, the one I've been really thinking about.  I've written several pages, first draft quality, but pixels on paper!

3.  I joined a gym, though I haven't gone enough.

New goals: 
1.  Work on paper.
2.  Get garden prepped for winter.
3.  Keep practicing violin.
4.  Get regular exercise.

In other news: a friend gave me a plant today, and I'm more frustrated than makes sense.  I feel like I can't take care of it (I have no good light in winter without a massive light project, and will be away, etc.)  I'm looking to rehouse it... and somehow, I'm resentful that my friend gave it to me.  She said she likes giving people plants but doesn't get them for herself because they're hard and die.  But she doesn't realize that may be a good reason not to get them for someone who doesn't already have plants around...  ahh, well, I need to get over this.

I guess I'm feeling like giving someone a house plant is a bit like giving them a puppy.  Yay, puppies!  But if you want one, you're probably doing that on your own (assuming you're an adult and such).  And if you don't, having one to take care of is a responsibility.  Of course, a plant is not the responsibility that a puppy is, but still, it's a life and you shouldn't just dump it.  And this one, my friend says, can't be put outside.

Am I totally wrong about this?


  1. Yeah, a plant dying wouldn't bother me as much as a puppy dying, and they're *slightly* easier to take care of -- but why give someone a plant? If you want a plant, buy YOURSELF a plant.

    Mind you, I can't keep plants alive myself. So I may be biased here.

  2. Anonymous10:59 AM

    Pass the plant along! Give it to a neighbor, or take it to a care home. Nursing home patients might love to have something to care for and tend.

    Give yourself a break: progress is more important than perfection.

  3. hypatia cade5:17 PM

    People give you plants at funerals. What do you NOT need when someone important in your life just died? A living plant that you have to care for. Because unlike puppies they don't follow you around and remind you to water it. I resent those people too.