Guilt

I seem to remember after our trip in Japan last year telling myself that I would never subject myself to more than a couple days with my Mom. I need to remember that next time I feel guilty for being a horrible daughter who didn't have kids (no grandkids! And especially, no grandkids while my Mom was younger, because grandkids!) and doesn't live near enough to visit every week as do all the kids of her friends at the home for retired folks with better kids than me (yeah, I totally buy that when I'm feeling guilty).

Thanks for all the sympathetic suggestions, folks. I appreciate them. I'm relieved to know other folks need some alone time, too. Apparently, my Mom doesn't.

Can I just say, thank dog for my niece, and for my most wonderful in law, and for my nephew and sib. We went there this past weekend, taking my niece back, and I had moments of sanity. I got to ride my bike! That was my alone time, and I was very grateful. I watched movies with my most wonderful in law. She's fun to watch with, fun to hang out with.

Today, the two of us drove back to my place. Three hours. Three hours of almost non-stop talking. Three hours of running commentary starting with a sound dissing of my idea for Christmas presents for the kids. (I dropped it, because I don't want to spend the next four days hearing what a stupid idea I had, though the most wonderful in law thought it was good, and had ideas to make it better). Then I got to hear about what a lousy job I did cleaning the windshield when I gassed up the car. And it got better from there. Did I mention that I didn't provide grandkids? (Usually she's pretty good about not complaining about that, but today was... special.)

(Yes, I had a book on CD, but she'd said she was hurt by my having a book on CD and not wanting to talk, and guilt works oh so well on me.)

I had to come back tonight because I have my stupid effing bullshit "well woman" check tomorrow. Otherwise, I would have gladly stayed a couple more days and let my Mom bask in the wonderfulness that is her grandkids.

So, the well woman check in the morning...

I think there's a bottle of wine in the fridge from the fourth. It's probably sort of gross by now, but I think it's still there.

So here's the question: how much wine could I drink tonight without making the doctor tomorrow think I'm a total lush. (And no, I still haven't filled out the form...)