Secret Lives of Faculty Revealed

What really happens at faculty retreats?

Singalong! (To the tune of "The Wells Fargo Wagon" from Oklahoma)

Faculty:
Oh ho the new students are a'comin' down the street,
Oh please let them come see me!!
Oh ho the new students are a'comin' down the street,
I wish, I wish they know they should study!

Chemist:
I got a chem'stry major for working in my lab!

Biologist:
In spring I have collaborative research!

Medievalist:
And once I got a Chaucer student readin'!

Education Advisor:
Admissions sent me sixty new advisees and a printout with their names!

Faculty:
Oh ho the new students are a'comin' now
Are they red hots or wastrels?

Americanist:
One could love Faulkner!

Profesor de Espanol:
Or Spanish!

Geologist:
Or mineralogy!

Philosopher:
Or it could be!

Faculty as one:
Yes, it could be,
Yes, you're right it surely could be!

Philosopher:
Someone special!

Faculty as one:
Someone very, very special now!

Philosopher:
For my class!

Faculty:
Oh ho, the new students are a comin' down the hall
Oh don't let them pass my class!
Oh ho, the new students are a comin' down the hall
Where oh where did I lose my syllabus?

Linguist:
I taught a sem'nar in Semantics last September,

Biologist:
And I'm up for some Embryology!

Physicist:
I'm gonna split an atom any day!

GLBT Alliance (with four part harmony, and feeling):
The provost promises some funding for our new center!

New Tenure Track Hire:
Oh ho, the new students are a comin' down the hall
I don't know how I can ever wait to see
They could be study'ing with someone who is
Full professor, but they could be, someone special
For my class!

Faculty:
Oh ho, you new students keep a comin'
Oh ho, you new students keep a comin'
Oh ho, you new students don't you dare make a stop
Until you sit in my class!