I've been teaching a while, and I generally feel reasonably confident about the courses I teach. But I'm also not shy about asking friends with more expertise for suggestions and help (especially, for example, I always ask real medievalists when I'm prepping Chaucer again because I know they know way more than I do).
I'm really struggling with the new composition class format. It's really uncomfortable. I'm beyond anxiety about it, and more into incipient terror. And it's obvious around here. For the first time in ages, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning because I dread this class.
More than once I've been told to ask for help from this or that person, and when I've done it, I've immediately gotten help, and good help. But it's still hard to ask for help.
It's like I'm a college student again, and having trouble in a class, and shy about asking for help. And it's damned uncomfortable.
I think there's a part of me that thinks my colleagues are judging me, and I'm coming up short, when I need to ask for help.
I think there's a part of me that is judging myself.
I'm waiting to go see a colleague to ask for more help as soon as her office is free of the student she is helping.