Politics as Usual

Sometimes, political stuff in departments and colleges just sucks. I suck at politics. I don't keep a straight face well, and I have a tendency to say things out loud in front of important people, things that wiser people only say in the privacy of their showers or something.

I'd like to think there's a certain level of responsibility that comes with tenure, and part of that involves speaking your mind, hopefully I do it thoughtfully, reasonably, and respectfully.

I think I realized at some point that I wasn't good at the "good daughter/wife/supportive woman" thing, and so the patriarchal folks (including women who benefit from the patriarchy) aren't going out of their way to reward me anyway. And that made me a bit more outspoken. Or a bitch, depending on who you ask.

But I have mixed feelings about my attitude. I should just hunker down and get my work done. Or, I should try to stand up for what I think is right, even if that doesn't gain me friends. I feel manipulated at times, like someone who's not willing to take a stand will sort of prod me to be a bit louder about my stand. (That's different from knowing that people without tenure or long term contracts can't afford to take a stand politically. It's not my place to speak for those people, but it is my place--as someone with tenure--to try to be aware of how difficult our system makes it for them, and how relatively protected I am.)

I hate the sexist crap. I hate the heteronormative, racist, classist crap, too. (I hate the racism, sexism, and classism I fight in myself as I'm aware of it.)

There's also the whole "what if I'm totally wrong?" thing. Ugh.